there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
