you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
