I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
