Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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