Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
