VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
