he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize