for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
