I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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