Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
