i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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