I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
