well I can't set my house on fire every night
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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