SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
