I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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