u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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