In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize