Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
