Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
