watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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