i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
