Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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