Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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