New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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