i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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