So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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