All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize