you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize