I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
