Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need a beard to bite.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
