ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
