i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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