Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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