things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
