what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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