so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
