What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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