Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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