thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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