just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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