I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
