I'm sorry my penis didn't work
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
