i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
