I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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