I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize