i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
