I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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