The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
