you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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