ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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