My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
