Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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