I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
