Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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