Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
