We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
