According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
