nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
