Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
