the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
