yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
