you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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