If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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