i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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