He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
