I hate your face
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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