They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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